dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
