How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
