Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
