my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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