The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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