Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
