I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
