id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
