I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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