I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
