Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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