I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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