I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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