my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
