Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
