Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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