I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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