I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dicks are not precious.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
