There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
