omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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