Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
