I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
