Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
