Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
