I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
