Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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