My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's blow job season.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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