I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize