he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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