I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
