she looked like the bat from fern gully.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
