I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
