he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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