I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
