I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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