My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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