I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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