It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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