I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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