Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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