Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
