im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
