Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
