I want to make a zoo with you.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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