Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
