He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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