When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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