There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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