True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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