he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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