is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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