is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
