dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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