The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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