Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
