how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
