Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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