Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
