I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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