Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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