I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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