I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
