she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
