well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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