I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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